Fatherhood is central in my life. Becoming a father has upended many of my beliefs and forced me to review and change my perspective on almost everything. As my kids grow, that process only deepens. I try to capture some of it in my own posts.
Fatherhood, at its best, is more than providing. More than “helping.” More than doing better than the flawed fathers that came before us. It is becoming fully responsible for the relationship itself.
The part about children needing ordinary time struck me most. So much of fatherhood happens in the small repetitions: school pickup, bedtime, questions in the car, muddy shoes, bad jokes, being available when nothing dramatic is happening. That has become my favourite part.
I also think many men discover too late that provision without presence is a bad bargain. The real work is not becoming a heroic dad. It is becoming a dependable, emotionally awake one.
I've learnt so much reading this. The idea that men compare themselves to their fathers not their partners is a simple but very telling idea. Lots of useful practical tips in this too, thanks!
Thank you, Treena! Unfortunately not yet, it just came out in French in October. But if and when it gets translated, I'll let you know. Also, just came across your own book, looks really interesting! Need to get myself a copy next time I'm in the UK.
Lots to think about here.
Fatherhood is central in my life. Becoming a father has upended many of my beliefs and forced me to review and change my perspective on almost everything. As my kids grow, that process only deepens. I try to capture some of it in my own posts.
Fatherhood, at its best, is more than providing. More than “helping.” More than doing better than the flawed fathers that came before us. It is becoming fully responsible for the relationship itself.
The part about children needing ordinary time struck me most. So much of fatherhood happens in the small repetitions: school pickup, bedtime, questions in the car, muddy shoes, bad jokes, being available when nothing dramatic is happening. That has become my favourite part.
I also think many men discover too late that provision without presence is a bad bargain. The real work is not becoming a heroic dad. It is becoming a dependable, emotionally awake one.
This is beautiful, thank you for sharing your perspective. Your children are lucky to have you!
I've learnt so much reading this. The idea that men compare themselves to their fathers not their partners is a simple but very telling idea. Lots of useful practical tips in this too, thanks!
Thank you, Rachel! Yeah I think it's a source of quite a lot of misunderstanding.
Such a great post. Is there a way to get a copy of their book in English?
Thank you, Treena! Unfortunately not yet, it just came out in French in October. But if and when it gets translated, I'll let you know. Also, just came across your own book, looks really interesting! Need to get myself a copy next time I'm in the UK.